What do you feel like God is doing in our midst?
Honestly, I think it’s really hard to nail down what he is doing [in this pandemic]. But it feels purposeful. When I was living in Vancouver, we talked a lot about revival. We talked about how we don’t really know what that means or what it will look like.
I think times like these- when everyone is out of their normal everyday lives- they are extraordinary. Everything's shaking, but if we really believe that God is ultimately in control, then the moving and shaking is bringing us closer to him. I don't really know what that looks like, but I’ve never been more anticipatory of revival; it feels close.
How do you connect with him now? Is it different than before?
I think the way I connect with God has kind of remained the same over time, but the subject matter we talk about has been changing. I feel like God is moving me out of an adolescent faith into a more mature faith. I know one of the fruits of the love of the Father is more childlike faith, but in this season God is really trusting me to grow in maturity.
There have been a lot of times when God’s mercy has been emphasized over my life, but lately he has been talking more about pursuing righteousness. I’m having to believe for big things and do more challenging things. He's been leading me down a more difficult road, but not in a mean way.
What are some things God has revealed to your heart?
Lately, I’ve realized that I actually have to do the things I have always believed. I can't just nicely and neatly believe them, I have to have an active faith. But I’ve learned that it isn't actually scary when you trust him.
On paper, this season looks like one of the worst times of my life. Since December it was already tough, but the pandemic solidified it in a way. Then Covid happened, and suddenly I had no choice but to become fully reliant on him.
Before, there was so much I was trying to do in my own strength. The pandemic really opened my eyes; nothing I tried in my strength would work anyways! So, despite this year being challenging in so many ways, my heart is so much more peaceful than it was in the past. I think it’s because of the necessity of relying on him.
Where has God brought freedom in your life?
My Father has brought freedom everywhere in my life! Where do I really notice it? That is another question entirely. When I first moved back to Alberta [from B.C.], I really struggled with the decision to move. I kept thinking, “What have I done?”
I felt like God asked me, “What do you want?” Almost immediately I started to pray for my circumstances to change. Eventually I realized that even if he changed them, it wasn’t really going to solve my problems. So I stopped praying for it.
That’s when I realized what I really want in life: to be OK when everything else is not OK.
As soon as I prayed for that, I felt like God chuckled and said, “Yeah, we can do that.” Since then, nothing in the world has been OK. But there is a tangible peace that transcends understanding; that’s what I’m experiencing right now.
Do you have any advice for those struggling during the pandemic?
My advice for those struggling comes in the form of a personal story. At the start of the pandemic, I walked out of the front steps of my house and just looked up. There was this gorgeous, clear night sky above me. It looked like velvet and the stars were shining so brightly.
I wasn’t even really thinking about it, I just said, “Wow God I can't believe you're up there. That’s so cool.”
From within me, the Holy Spirit responded, “I’m right here.”
That moment stopped me in my tracks and still sends shivers up my spine. If you’re struggling to hear him, know that I haven’t lacked struggle either. But the reality is that God is right there with you!
No matter whatever else you’re feeling, hold that in your heart. Let it ruminate in your heart. Let that truth take precedence over your feelings and emotions. God’s word, his promises, and his truth have held true in my life. It doesn’t mean I've always felt it, but out of necessity I’ve really been holding onto that reality